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National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
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NAASCA Highlights
- Feature Article - |
EDITOR'S NOTE: Here are a few recent stories and feature articles from a variety of sources that are related to the kinds of issues we cover on our web site. They'll represent a small percentage of the information available to us, the public, as we fight to provide meaningful recovery services and help for those who've suffered child abuse. We'll add to and update this page regularly, bringing you just a few of the featured articles on the web site. |
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Happy New Year ! |
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In the New Year
by Teresa Joyce, NAASCA representative in the United Kingdom
A new year has just begun where we will say goodbye to the old. We reminisce on the year that has now past us by. During this year we have encountered many things and, as always, they are stored away in our memory.
The passing of time happens and there is nothing that we can do to alter it, but the one thing for sure is that this trend will continue until we leave this world.
I'm not trying to write an obituary here. I am only stating the obvious of which is no surprise to anyone. This is the cycle of life. Some may even feel and believe 'bad' experiences will be repeated, as there are still life lessons that we need to complete within this realm. |
Whatever we believe is for us to know and to be at peace with. But in the here and now we have to live within what we were given, we must strive to fulfil our dreams and find happiness .. which can be found in the most unexpected places.
So where does it start, this taking back control of who we are? How do we even know who we are? Can we stop living in the past by letting go of negativity?
I believe we can accept that 'bad' things happen in life. We're all capable of ridding ourselves of life's hiccups, although they may seem huge at the time. Our mind has far too much to hold on to. Until we can achieve a coping mechanism with everyday life we will never arrive at our biggest challenge. We can't afford these distractions because our focus must be completely on the journey in front of us.
Perhaps once this journey has been completed those hiccups will seem to be just what they are .. life.
Child abuse is among the biggest obstacles we'll have to rid from our mind, and unfortunately it will be our biggest struggle. The pasting of another year is not really recognized by us because our suffering seems endless. This statement really hits me hard. I'm completely exasperated by it, simply because it's true so many out there who are still in pain. Our job for the coming year is to heal ourselves from within. We can't move from that place until we decide it's time. In truth, it's most likely way past time. So let's change it, because it starts with us.
We are all so very aware of our own suffering, and so we should be. It's relevant, painful and distressing. It's part of who we are, and there is no separation from our child within nor a magic spell that can take it from us. We have learned to model our lives around our trauma because acceptance and recovery are what we strive for, and for many it's an uphill journey that they doubt they can make. Life's memories will always be a part of us, but if we look deep enough they are may not be as dark as they may have once seemed. Any memory that holds the stage front and centre will always crowd out any that are comforting or even lingering in that not-so-often visited gray area.
If we are brave enough to look seek them, they're often waiting. We are moving one more clear step towards our recovery. Searching for anything even near to being completely in the light maybe reaching a little too far .. but only for now. Although that may sound a little negative that's not my aim, because those memories are yet to be made. They are out there in front of us. If we stay in the negativity we then become a prisoner of the past, and that's where we will unfortunately stay.
Being brave enough to make a movement towards peace and recovery is never going to be a walk in the park. It's going to take enormous strength. But you have it in spades. Just take a look at where you are today. Your movement has already been huge. We should never doubt our ability to heal. Self-doubt is an that emotion that's owned by the past, something we can't alter or rearrange. Once our mindset is in the right direction we've movement and movement in the right direction is where we need to go. With clear positivity we can turn our world on its axle, creating a huge shift that we alone have the ability to achieve. All of the above may seem a little daunting bit it's our task alone, and there really is no other way. This first step has to be taken by us.
What we do have is an enormous support group throughout the world, and it's to be envied even by those who think that they've all the answers. We have direct access to a network that doesn't need a textbook nor to have studied child abuse, because we've lived it. I'm not sure that we could ever find anyone quite so qualified to stand with us in our corner. We just need to be brave enough to ask for assistance, and asking is something we are not that good at. Accepting help is often extremely difficult.
This may sound like an odd thing to say, but if we look at it a little deeper 'asking' means that we have to move, and movement is our Achilles heel. It's painful, right? Why should we turn over all of those painful abuse memories? The answer to that question is that, until we do, we will never let go of the past. The existence of a network of survivors is waiting to help you face that painful journey .. when you're ready .. but being ready is something you have to do alone. But all that support is waiting, all around you. OK, I guess that's not sugar coating anything but what would be the point in that?
No doubt it seems it's going to be a completely scattered mess, cast all around in every direction. We're confused, our emotions mixed and painful. At times we won't even own what's before us because acceptance hurts .. so why should we enter that place? The answer is that we have to, or any support that we are given may feel as if it were pushed upon us when we are not ready to hold it.
So, the work starts with us at a level we can control until we feel we are on solid ground. When you arrive there you will know that it's time to ask for support in a network that is fortunately unparalleled. When you're ready, we're here, just waiting in the wings, offering you access to our real life, shared abuse knowledge, and you will always be understood. The emotions that we feel will be shared, because its our common experienced.
Once asked we will walk with you on this painful journey, but we can't walk it for you. We will support your healing once you're ready. We are here to lighten your load, even help to carry some of it with you. But you first need to look for that solid ground on which to build. Make that start on your work within and as it emerges naturally it will emerge differently. That's the point when asking is the right time. So I'll see you on the other side, where your new year begins and, what's more, your new life.
I will leave you with this last thought .. if we don't hang together we will surely hang alone.
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