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National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
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NAASCA Highlights
- Feature Article - |
EDITOR'S NOTE: Here are a few recent stories and feature articles from a variety of sources that are related to the kinds of issues we cover on our web site. They'll represent a small percentage of the information available to us, the public, as we fight to provide meaningful recovery services and help for those who've suffered child abuse. We'll add to and update this page regularly, bringing you just a few of the featured articles on the web site. |
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The Importance of Awareness of the “A” Word
by Randi B. Latzman
www.survivingmomblog.com
Hello, I’m Randi, and my mother did things to me that were cruel. This is the story I told myself growing up. It was the story I told others as well. However, the sad truth is that saying those words will not guarantee that someone will start listening.
Why? I’ve learned the hard way that awareness is everything, and that the lack of awareness of the “A” word (abuse) made it so that my story wasn’t fully understood or heard. Why is there a lack of awareness or desire to learn about emotional abuse?
One main reason is that emotional abuse is harder to define. Abuse, specifically emotional, is still taboo. Since there are no physical scars, was it really abuse?
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This was the question I could never answer when I would tell my mother that what she was doing was wrong. Like most abusers, she told me it was my fault. Starting at 8-years-old, I was told that if only I was more respectful, she wouldn’t have thrown me out of the house. I was “retrieved” at the beginning, but over time, I would have to bang on the door to be allowed to re-enter. There were incidences where I was not allowed into my home all night and had to sleep in the mudroom. One time, I was told to sleep on a chair in the basement. I felt abandoned, unwanted, discarded, degraded, unsafe, and conditioned to see that the outside world was a bad place (after all, my “punishment” was to have to leave my home), but was this abuse? I was clothed, I was fed, I was physically healthy. Was she disciplining me in a way that I didn’t like, or was it something more?
Over the years, I told my story to a few. Once I told them what was going on, we never spoke of it again. Their discomfort only reinforced my belief that although it was bad, it was not worth harping over. To this day, I have childhood friends that will call my mother “crazy” but have never used the “A” word to describe what happened to me. Shockingly, I told the details of my story to therapists who shook their heads with disbelief and simply labeled me as having General Anxiety Disorder. I was put on and taken off medication after medication. We discussed ways to “conquer my anxiety”. The lack of awareness of emotional abuse is mind boggling in retrospect. I never used the “A” word, and sadly, neither did they.
These were not terrible people. So why did they turn a blind eye to what was happening to me? This brings me to my second and third explanation. Denial and lack of awareness. There needs to be more light shined on emotional/psychological abuse so that there is never a doubt that abuse comes in many forms. The lack of openness and education about this made it easier to see my mother as a wacko rather than to see my mother as abusive. There isn’t enough widespread knowledge about the numerous ways abuse can rear its ugly head.
I learned from an early age that monsters are real. When I told my story, I exposed a rawness and a knowledge nobody should possess. I wonder to this day if/how my life would have changed if someone would have recognized that the terrible things happening to me weren’t just unconventional, they were downright abusive. So how do we spread awareness? It is the proverbial story of the chicken and the egg. Did the mainstream need to step-up and take initiative to learn about abuse so they could have recognized my abuse for what it was? Or do survivors need to speak up and educate others so that the mainstream gains awareness? I think the answer is both.
With events going on in the world today, I have learned more than ever about the importance of awareness. Complacency will not allow for change, and there is so much change that needs to take place. As a child, there was nothing I could do to stop the abuse. It is sad and terrible that nobody saw my childhood for what it was. I was (and still am) a victim. I am also a survivor. No matter what type of abuse we endured, no matter how devastating its effects were in our life, we are still here. That makes all of us survivors. The people in our lives failed us, and it is necessary that we show compassion for ourselves, look our pain in the eye, and label it for what it is, abuse. We need to spread the word that abuse comes in many forms. We need to face the discomfort and the denial that others have shown. To do so gives us power in a world where we were powerless.
Hello, I’m Randi, and I am the victim and survivor of child abuse. I am sharing my story to illustrate the importance of knowledge and change. We have a responsibility to advocate for ourselves and scream the “A” word. We cannot change our pasts, but if we speak our truths, perhaps we can save others from the horrors we experienced. I can’t promise that everyone will listen, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying. We were once alone, but we aren’t now. I hear you. I will listen, and I promise to stand beside you.
~~~ This was originally published on Surviving Mom Blog.
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