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Penelope Benis
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The Time is Now to Debunk the Myth that ‘What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You'
by Penelope Benis
I can picture it. Jerry Seinfeld opens an episode of the beloved sitcom about nothing, asking “What's the deal with Adult Survivors of Child Abuse? They're adults, they survived. I mean c'mon, get over it!” For the record, no such opening to an episode exists, and I have no idea what Jerry Seinfeld's position is on child abuse prevention, intervention and recovery. I have, however, been subjected to those types of remarks. There is great need to educate not only the pervasiveness of the child abuse epidemic, but the long term impact on the lives of those who experience such maltreatment.
I've seen eyes roll at the numbers. Is it possible that the world has statistic fatigue? Or simply heard too many claims of abuse? As is consistently reported, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18 (ChildUSA). 80% of said abuse is committed by a parent. Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted, and every nine minutes that victim is a child (RAINN). |
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If those numbers are even close to accurate, and I believe that in actuality severely underreported (since 2/3 of victims never report their abuse NAASCA.org), a billion lives in our world are currently affected by abuse – today - right in the here and now.
Fired up yet? Well, I am! And so are the many others who have taken action in the war against Child Sexual Abuse (CSA). Yet, sadly, I've also heard rumblings from those who are sick and tired of hearing about it. I've had friends who have chosen to distance themselves from me due to the stigma of it all. One friend literally ran away from me once she learned of my childhood experiences. As for myself, an adult survivor, the luxury of such ignorance – the ability to forget, ignore or bolt - does not exist. The enduring impact of child abuse on Adult Survivors is something we should all care about, no matter how many degrees of separation exist.
“What you don't know won't hurt you” is a myth ‘proliferated over many centuries and doesn't hold true for any issue' (Have You Ever Wondered if You Were Sexually Abused? Dr. Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD). I was of the mindset through my teens, 20's, 30's and even into my 40's that it was best to swallow the truth of my childhood. I tried to live a life that erased my past. That effort ran its course as I entered my mid-40's. Unaware of the weight of carrying it all inside, I hit a wall. Urged to begin Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with a trauma informed therapist by my physician, the compliant patient in me commenced to weekly sessions. The childhood maltreatment trickled out, and my recovery began. For the record, I was 46.
That phenomena is not uncommon and research proves that I am not alone. ‘Most child victims of sexual assault disclose, if they disclose at all, during adulthood, with an average age of 52.' (ChildUSA) Other evidence, also termed adult manifestations of CSA, are physical and psychological presentations such as chronic pelvic pain, gastrointestinal symptoms, musculoskeletal complaints, obesity, eating disorders, insomnia, sleep disorders, pseudocyesis, sexual dysfunction, fibromyalgia, asthma, respiratory ailments, addiction, chronic headache, chronic back pain, depression, anxiety, PTSD, dissociative states, repeated self-injury, suicide attempts, somatizing disorders, and expectation of early death, just to name a few (RAINN, psychiatrictimes.com, d21.org). And according to Dr. Neddermeyer, ‘if you have experienced one or more of these symptoms the chances of your being a sexual abuse survivor or a physical trauma survivor which transcended into sexual abuse aftereffects is exceedingly high.' Given these facts, as well as the present reported toll of CSA at 42 million in the US alone (RAINN), this global pandemic should be impossible to ignore.
The tragic reality is that shame, embarrassment, denial and even guilt drive so many victims and their families, friends and communities at large into on-going patterns of secrecy. The suppression of child abuse is as deeply damaging as the perpetrators of these crimes. Silence serves as the most prolific enabler of abuse, its contribution to continue the cycle iron-clad. It comes as no surprise that those who gather the courage to disclose – delayed or not – find speaking of the abuse a gateway to the path of healing and recovery. Thus the importance of breaking the silence.
So where do we go from here?
My call to action is to be open to being aware, not only of the statistics but the long term impacts of childhood maltreatment on its victims, regardless of age. The signs are there; those previously named manifestations of abuse. They present in the lives of abuse survivors; unmistakable, many overt, and serve as a clue to a story possibly still untold. With so many responsible, mature grown-ups in our world, we already have the infrastructure to make a difference! I always say as I sign off on NAASCA's Stop Child Abuse Now (SCAN) Talk Radio Show, “If you see something, say something. If you hear something, do something. There are enough adult eyes and ears on this planet to keep every child safe. “
As for our Adult Survivors, if someone you know wishes to tell, I encourage you to listen without judgement. Thank them for sharing. Let them know they aren't alone. It can make all of the difference in the world.
I should know. I do know. Thank you to those of you who did. You know who you are, my heroes in this world.
Yours in service,
Penelope Benis
Activist/Author/Host of NAASCA's SCAN Talk Radio Show/NAASCA Board/Hope PYX Global Ambassador
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