I told the monk that a Catholic Xaverian brother was my original abuser. He'd served as a summer camp councilor at Camp Calvert, in Leonardtown, Maryland. My parents sent me there when 11, 12 and 13, for a month each year. Among other things I had been the object of thousands of pre-pubescent pornographic pictures in many settings, a two week kidnapping where I was taken through multiple states and into Canada, and attempted sex trafficking.

I was relieved that I'd at last found an appropriate way to tell by story and looked forward to being able to heal.

But my 'confessor' turned out to be a predator himself. And he must have told other priests and brothers about me because I spent the next four years trying to avoid contact with a slew of them. Beyond the horror of my original three years of sexual abuse, this experience in the minor seminary led to my losing my faith and my relationship to St Vincent Archabbey, the Catholic Church as a whole, to ALL priests and to God.

I fell into the depth of alcohol and drug abuse but at 30 years old I eventually found my way out through Alcoholics Anonymous. Using the same 12 Steps I began my healing journey from the childhood sexual abuse (CSA) that had ravaged my youth. Frankly back then there was little help for men, since most didn't even believe young boys could experience CSA.

So, for 35 years now I have continued to use the basic AA 12 Step 'design for living' to process what had happened to me, to heal from my trauma and to lead a comfortable life. And NAASCA is the result of my desire to follow directions .. to be of service to those I can help, which is a part of the final 12th Step.

Early in recovery, over 30 years ago, I'd made 'amends' to St Vincent, promising that I'd not use the name of the place specifically. I'd already learned, after a couple years of recovery, that I wasn't angry at the entire Catholic Church, nor all of St Vincent Archabbey, nor of all priests. I was the victim of certain specific pedophile priests who were the source of my animus and venom. I've kept that promise since 1986, but now that St Vincent has gone public so can I.

This summer, the place in Pennsylvania where a lot of my sexual abuse happened finally admitted having been a bastion of pedophile priests, naming names that included my abusers! Now I'm free to speak about it specifically .. after all these years! And I will!

Here's the article:

"Saint Vincent Archabbey releases names of members accused of sexual abuse"
https://triblive.com/local/westmoreland/13980888-74/saint-vincent-archabbey-releases-names-of-members-accused-of-sexual-abuse

Yours in love and service,

Bill

#metooCSA #NAASCA

Los Angeles Community Policing founder Bill Murray is about to take the next step in his life of public service.

Murray, who has become a familiar voice in Northeast Los Angeles communities and beyond through his online radio pod cast, Community Matters, is now set to launch the National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (NAASCA) on Jan. 1.

The organization will be aimed at helping child abuse victims cope with their trauma by providing resources and a safe space to talk about their experiences, said Murray, who was a victim of child abuse.

"I've gone through the recovery, and I'm healthy enough to be a spokesperson," the recovering drug and alcohol addict said. "I want to devote my life now to help other people who had the same experiences and have not talked about it, especially men."

Murray said he plans to use the Community Matters pod cast to encourage victims, who can remain anonymous, to share their stories. He'll also focus on the issues of sex crimes, sex trafficking and child pornography.

"I hope we can bring many more pedophiles and child molesters to justice and help the public understand the sheer scope of the issue," he said.

The 57-year-old Murray's commitment to community service in NELA dates back to the early 1990s, when he began volunteering with the LAPD shortly after moving to Montecito Heights.

Following the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, Murray founded Los Angeles Community Policing, which has grown into one of the largest forums for community safety issues in the nation.

"I wanted to play a role in keeping my community safe," he said.

Murray is also a board member of the Northeast Community Clinic and in the past served as chairman of the Arroyo Seco Neighborhood Council's organizing committee and as chairman of the Arroyo Seco Neighborhood Council's Public Safety Committee.

With the launch of the National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, Murray is embarking on his most personal campaign.

"I want to take the worst thing that happened to me and turn it into the best thing I have to offer to the community," he said.

Murray, who grew up in New York, was sexually abused when he was 11 years old during summer camp; the abuse continued for three summers.

"He was a counselor, and he seduced me and my family into believing he was a good guy," he said.

The counselor was a photographer and took care of the swimming pool, where Murray spent a lot of time because he was a good swimmer.

The counselor repeatedly tried to befriend Murray until one day he inappropriately touched him in a shower.

"I was shocked," he said. "I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know anything about sex."

NOTE: An accomplished photographer, a lot of the molestation took part in the counselor's private dark room. Over the three summers he used the young Murray as a model for thousands of frames of pornographic pictures.

Eventually, the counselor convinced Murray's parents to let him travel with him Montreal's Expo 67 for two weeks. 

But the counselor had something else in mind, Murray said.

"I was at his mercy," he said.  "It was terrifying. I felt powerless. Ashamed."

The counselor spent the two weeks trying to convince the then 14-year-old Murray to engage in sex, and introduced him to other pedophiles. But he soon grew frustrated with Murray's refusal. At the end of the two weeks, Murray went back home and never heard from him again.

After the abuse, Murray's behavior changed completely.

"I became a problem student and became introverted," he said. "But I didn't tell anyone."

Once Murray started prep school, which was also a seminary, a priest noticed that something was off about his behavior. Murray said he confided the story of his sexual abuse to the priest, who instead of helping took a "special interest" in him.

"I spent the first couple of years of high school trying to avoid the pedophiles," he said. "But eventually I was strong enough to turn them away."

Though struggles with drug and alcohol abuse forced him to drop out of his first attempt at college, Murray was eventually able to attend New York University where he took Film & Television and Journalism.

In his late 20s his girlfriend, who later became his wife, encouraged him to seek therapy, and to reveal to his parents that he had been sexually abused.

Murray eventually found success in the television industry in Los Angeles, doing camera work, production and editing for popular sitcoms like The Golden Girls. In 1984 he also enrolled in a 12-step program to overcome his drinking problem.

After a long journey, Murray says he wants to share his story with others who are victims of child abuse, especially men, and to provide an outlet for abuse victims to share their own stories.

"The first step in to getting better is admitting that it happened and it's really hard for man to talk about it," he said. "It helps to know that you are not alone."

http://highlandpark-ca.patch.com/articles/nela-man-hopes-to-break-silence-for-child-abuse-victims