Understanding how predators "groom" children An excellent article from: Darkness to Light - www.darkness2light.org from Carl Hart - NAASCA volunteer September 20, 2011 An excellent article from: Darkness to Light You can help protect children by understanding how sexual predators go about preparing a child for later abuse. Called "grooming," it involves actions and behaviors that allow the perpetrator to build trust with the child and often the parents as well. Grooming typically takes place over time and prior to the actual abuse.

Here are some potentially risky behaviors or tactics employed by predators to be on the lookout for.

Look for an adult or older youth who:

Pays special interest to a particular child singling he or she out for special treatment.

Molesters will look for children who appear vulnerable or hungry for attention; children who spend time alone unsupervised or seem isolated. Once the perpetrator identifies his or her victim, he/she will seek one on one time with the child.

Breaks boundaries or rules.

For example, giving a child treats, gifts or special privileges not allowed by their parents. This behavior fosters the keeping of secrets. They may offer to play games, take the child on special outings or give gifts as a token of friendship. They may also give drugs or alcohol to the child and treat the child as if they are older.

Are overly physical with the child.

Perpetrators will break down the victim's defenses to physical touch by first creating situations for non sexual or accidental touch. This can include tickling, wrestling, lap sitting, brushing up against the child, touching hair or other areas of the body.

Encourages secrecy.

For example, "Dont' tell your Mom that I let you watch that R-rated movie." Perpetrators can then use those events with threats. "If you tell you're mother she will be really mad and you will be in trouble."

Here are some other important tips.

Predators rely on naïve and trusting parents. They work to build your trust just as much as the child's. Look for the risky behaviors above. Be wary of anyone who just seems to good to be true.

Talk to your children about sexual abuse, sex and their bodies. Perpetrators seek out children that are not educated and take it upon themselves to do the “educating.” It's much harder for an abuser to trick a child who knows what they're up to.

Teach them to be wary of any adult who initiates one on one contact with them and especially physical contact. Talk to your children about bad secrets and that they can come to you anytime someone has made them feel uncomfortable and that you won't be angry.

Pay attention to your child and the people in your child's life.

Don't blindly surrender responsibility to others without question.

Know your child's teachers, coaches, day care providers, youth group leaders and other significant adults in their lives.

Drop in unexpectedly on times when your child is alone with another older youth or adult. Ask questions, get involved.

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FROM CARL HART:

Several more grooming links:

I like this first one..... very succinct.
http://www.vachss.com/guest_dispatches/grooming.html

Grooming tricks & lures
http://www.safenetwork.org/GroomingLuresCVT24.htm

I like the list in the middle of this page.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art22759.asp

Good link about more current "on-line grooming"
http://www.micheleborba.com/new-ways-online-predators-lure-kids-tips-to-keep-kids-safe

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